Taking Control: Embracing the Power to Heal from Childhood Sexual Abuse

Healing from childhood sexual abuse is a deeply personal journey, and you, my dear survivor, hold the power and the responsibility to initiate and navigate it. I, Michelle Hall, will be your companion on today's edition of Broken to Blessed, as we walk through stories from survivors just like you, unravel the harrowing experiences they faced when they reached out for help, and unfold the profound importance of owning your healing journey.

As a survivor and a Christian life coach, I have personally learned that healing is possible regardless of the actions or inactions of others, and in this episode, I hope to inspire you with the same faith. We explore various resources that can assist you in this process, from online research and journaling to seeking professional help. So join me on this episode of Broken to Blessed and discover the strength within you to take control of your healing journey.

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Transcript

Michelle Hall: 0:01

As a woman survivor of childhood sexual abuse, have you ever thought about the fact that your healing is 100% your responsibility? That's what I'm talking about today on this episode of Broken to Blessed. When you were a child victim, you did not necessarily have the power or the ability to get the help that you needed to get you through your trauma. But once you become an adult and can make the decisions for yourself, you become 100% responsible. Tune in and listen to how you can make that happen for yourself. Let's get started. This is Broken to Blessed, a podcast for women survivors of childhood sexual abuse. I am your host, michelle Hall. I am a certified Christian life coach and I am also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and for many years I felt broken because of that experience. But, thank God for his blessings, he pulled me out of brokenness and into blessings Hence the name of the podcast and I want the same for you. Healing is possible if you're willing to do the work. Let's get started. Hello, esteemed ones, and welcome to another episode of Broken to Blessed. Today I want to talk about healing and your role and responsibility for it.

Michelle Hall: 1:43

So many women survivors of childhood sexual abuse do not get the support, empathy and help that they need as they go through this traumatic experience as a minor child. Perhaps they are too afraid to say anything to their parents or guardians, or maybe the abuse is at the hand of a parent. It could be that the child told about the abuse and no one did anything to help. So what do you do when you have no one to help you? Women often suffer alone and internalize the experience to protect themselves because they have no other way of dealing with the trauma. A young brain is not able to process this type of trauma and oftentimes, depending on the age, they don't even understand what happened. They are confused and they don't know how to deal with it. I've talked with many women who have shared their stories of abuse with me, and this is the case for many of the women with whom I have spoken. Most of them did not have anyone to really help them through the process while they were still minor kids. Here are a few responses that women survivors were given when they spoke with a parent once they became adults themselves. One told me that she talked to her mother and her mother asked her why did you let this happen to you? Another woman's mother told her that she just prayed, that she was too young to remember the experience. Another woman told me that she told her parents when the CSA happened, but they didn't do anything and she was continually assaulted. She didn't have anyone else to go to and she just had to endure the assaults. I had another woman tell me when she told her guardian, which happened to be her grandmother, she was not believed. The grandmother told her that she was lying and therefore she was left to deal with the situation alone and, yes, the abuse continued.

Michelle Hall: 4:05

I know there are parents who are supportive when they become aware of trauma that happened to their children and they get their children medical and mental health help and support. Some parents also pursue prosecution of the perpetrators, which is fantastic, and that child, or those children, have the benefits of a safe space with people who are interested to care for them. But for others, based on the stories that I've heard, this is just not the case. A lot of the time, perpetrators are not punished or chastised or prosecuted in any way, which means no time is served for the crime that they committed and they remain free to continue to hurt children. They remain pedophiles on the loose and are sometimes still granted continued access to their victim survivor. How unfortunate is that.

Michelle Hall: 5:15

How betrayed would a young child feel, especially after telling an adult about the events that had taken place? They are sometimes forced to be a part of family activities that the perpetrator attends and have access to them, because, of course, a huge percentage of sexual abuse is committed by either a family member or a close family friend. That makes it very difficult for some children to get away from the perpetrators. Sometimes the perpetrator is a parent, which is the ultimate betrayal. So what do you do when you have no one to turn to and you are suffering alone? You get no answers, you get no explanation, you get no apology, no support and no protection. Oftentimes the known abuse is not even stopped. Unfortunately, as a child, you are left to suffer alone a lot of the time, and to protect oneself from the hurt of the trauma, children often stuff things down and pretend that nothing happened, just so they can function on a daily basis. But all of that changes when you become an adult, and thank God that it does.

Michelle Hall: 6:42

When you become an adult, you become responsible for making the decisions about your healing. You can choose healing for yourself, and that is great news. That has been the story for many of the women that I have interviewed over the past several months, and that was the case for me. Women survivors have to start their own healing journey when they become adults and can do the inner work for themselves. There is a book by Jack Canfield called the Success Principles. You've probably heard about it at some point in time. The very first success principle is to take 100% responsibility for your life, and that is what I want to talk to you about for the rest of this episode. When it comes to your healing journey, you can take 100% responsibility for that. You, and only you, are responsible for your healing.

Michelle Hall: 7:52

Now, of course, as a child, you are subject to the people who are responsible for your care, which are usually parents or guardian of some type, and often you have no control or no way to get help without their support. But once you become an adult, it becomes your responsibility, because you get to choose and you get to make decisions about how you live your life. I want to encourage you all to think about that. Think about it because it may require a mindset shift in order for you to grasp this concept and embrace it, because, perhaps subconsciously, you are waiting for someone to apologize or someone to acknowledge what they did to you, or you're waiting for explanations from your parents about why they didn't do whatever they didn't do to protect or help you. I understand that. I fully understand that. That is something that every sexual abuse survivor deserve. I believe that we deserve to get those answers to the questions that are burning in our mind.

Michelle Hall: 9:13

However, the reality is, most of the time, you won't get that, and so you have to develop the mindset that will allow you to seek help, despite the actions of other people. Don't hold yourself hostage to what you want someone else to do to make you feel better. What I mean by that is don't hold on so tightly to the concept of I can't process this, or I can't move forward until so, and so let everybody know what they did to me, or I can't move forward until my mother gives me an explanation of why she didn't do this, that and a third. That keeps you in bondage, that keeps you bound up. If you have a parent or guardian who was not able to help you through the trauma before you became an adult is very likely their mindset will be something like well, they are an adult now and I really don't want to deal with it. And they simply don't want to deal with it, and most of them won't deal with it A lot, of a lot of the time. That's the case for a lot of parents, especially a lot of mothers who take that position, and a lot of women survivors find it hard to accept or hard to process, because they want that validation, they want the explanation, they want their parents to tell them why and I get it, I really really get it, because it's something that I've experienced and been through myself. I wonder why me, why did this person pick me? But hey, what I need you all to understand is, if you don't get anything else from this episode, please understand that you don't need anybody to do anything or to acknowledge anything for you to get the healing that you need. I promise you you can do it without them, you can do it without a confrontation, you can do it without an explanation.

Michelle Hall: 11:48

You, as an adult, have the ability and the responsibility to seek help for your healing journey. Here are a few things to consider to get you started on this journey. You may want to do some research. The internet offers a ton of information. Do some Google or YouTube searches to see what information you can find about healing from sexual abuse. You may want to do some journaling. You can write down whatever it is in your heart or how you're feeling. You can free flow with your writing, or you can get a journal that is specifically designed for trauma recovery and it has prompts to help you along the way. You may seek professional help with the counselor, therapist or coach. These professionals can help you as you navigate the healing process and your interactions with them are confidential. You could find a support group to attend or call a confidential crisis hotline for assistance. Many of these options can get you started on the path to healing.

Michelle Hall: 13:16

The most important thing is to just start. You don't need anyone's permission to do it, so please don't hold yourself hostage to the actions or waiting on the actions of someone else. Consider this If you have a conversation with a perpetrator which I don't recommend you do along, by the way and he says, yes, I did this to you. I did it for XYZ reason, is there really any reason that a perpetrator can give you to justify the assault they committed against you? No, I don't think so. There is no justification for someone to commit a sexual assault against a child. There is no explanation that is good enough to justify that. So if you get an answer, what does that answer really mean to you? Likely, it'll make you even more angry than you already are. What does it do for you? Because there is no answer that's good enough. So please hear me when I say this, and I mean it from the bottom of my heart, with love.

Michelle Hall: 14:42

Your healing is 100% your responsibility once you become an adult, and you don't need anyone's permission to do it. Taking control represents you operating from a place of power and courage. Don't let anyone hinder you from this healing. This is a journey. This is your journey to take and you may have to take it along and it may be hard, but that's okay because you can do hard things. Remember, don't let anyone else's actions keep you from healing your past trauma. 100% responsibility for your life and your healing Until next time. Thank you for joining me on this episode of Broken to Blessed. Subscribe to the podcast and share it with all of your sister girlfriends. This podcast may be the catalyst to their healing journey. And remember, life can get better. You just have to do the work, god bless.