Broken to Blessed

A Guide to Holiday Wholeness: Preserving Your Peace Amidst the Chaos

December 20, 2023 • Michelle Hall • Season 2 • Episode 21

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Ever encountered a Christmas tree that seemed more like a metaphorical mess than a festive fixture? I've been there, and it became a lesson in embracing imperfection during the holiday hustle. This episode is a heartfelt guide to preserving your healing journey amid the sparkling lights and family toasts. I open up about setting achievable expectations and establishing crucial boundaries—like saying no to that extra glass of egg nog—to ensure your holiday season amplifies your healing rather than hinders it.

As we wrap up the year with a bow, I invite you to join me in a reflection on gratitude and growth that goes beyond the typical resolutions. I share how a simple gratitude journal can transform your outlook, the unexpected joys of volunteering, and the empowerment found in creating new traditions that resonate deeply with your personal values. Whether you're considering a serene solo retreat or just need strategies to keep your peace intact, this episode is my holiday gift to you, filled with encouragement and strategies to actively participate in your healing journey.

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Speaker 1:

What does a healing focused holiday celebration look like for you? It can be different for everyone. We are in the height of the holiday season of Christmas and Hanukkah, new Year's and anything else that may be celebrated during this time of the year. There's a lot going on and you want to make sure that you're able to protect the healing that you've done thus far. Join me today as I give you several tips on things that you could do to ensure a healing focused holiday season for you. I'll even share a few of my own.

Speaker 1:

This is Broken to Blessed, a podcast for women survivors of childhood sexual abuse. I am your host, michelle Hall. I am a certified Christian life coach and I am also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, and for many years I felt broken because of that experience. But, thank God for his blessings, he pulled me out of brokenness and into blessings, hence the name of the podcast, and I want the same for you. Healing is possible if you're willing to do the work. Let's get started. Hello, esteemed ones, and welcome to this episode of Broken to Blessed. So today I'm going to be talking to you about some things that you can do to ensure a healing focused holiday season, because, hey, the holidays are upon us.

Speaker 1:

On the day of release of this podcast episode, it is December 20th and it's five days to Christmas. And if you are one of those who are traveling and who's busy maybe you have children, grandchildren, maybe you're traveling, maybe people are coming to you and you're trying to cook and decorate and clean and shop and do all of the things that comes along with the busy holiday season you may not be thinking about maintaining your healing. But today I want to talk about a few things and I'm going to share some of the things that I do, or that I am doing this year to maintain my healing. One of the first things that you can do in this busy season is to set realistic expectations. I know things can, like I said, be very busy and we want things to be a certain way. We want perfection. We want, you know, the perfect meal, the perfect decorations. We want everything to be the way that we want it to be, and things may not turn out the way that you want them to turn out. So set realistic expectations and make it manageable. So one of the things that I'd like to share that I am dealing with with this holiday season is Christmas dinner. I am hosting my family at my home for Christmas dinner this year. It's the first time that I've done so in several years and I had expectations.

Speaker 1:

Initially and, as I was planning things through as far as what I was going to prepare for the meal and the decorations, putting things up, I wanted to go a bit overboard with the decorations, but you know, I just didn't and it's okay. It's okay. One particular thing that is, I think, quite funny as I think back on it now, is my Christmas tree. I have not put my Christmas tree up in the last several years. Probably the last time I had my tree up was 2019. And so I took it out of storage and put it together, because it's artificial and as I was putting it together, I was plugging it in to make sure that the lights worked in each section. So I get the bottom part plugged in Boom lights working. I get the second section plugged in boom lights are working. I get the top part of the tree, the top section, put in and plugged in, and the lights are not working. And I'm thinking why are these lights not working?

Speaker 1:

And several things went through my mind as I realized the lights were not working, one of which was well, I could take the tree down and just not have a tree up, because I didn't want to have a tree up that had the bottom two-thirds lit up and the top part not lit. I thought that, well, perhaps I can just add a string of lights to the top section. Wouldn't look exactly the same, but at least I'll have consistent lights on the tree. And then I thought, after talking with my sister about this tree, I find out, leave it as is. Why not leave it alone and have the bottom two parts lit? My tree topper lights up and reserve the top third of the tree for one of the games that we're playing on Christmas Day? I thought, hmm, that's interesting, I could do that. I could do that and it'll be a conversation piece. It's just my family there's not very many of us, probably. It'd be about maybe 10 or 12 of us at the most and that way I don't have to go out and buy another tree that's gonna look all perfect and pristine and spend money that I was not planning on spending and just use what I have. So that's what I'm doing, and that is a bit of something different than what I would have ever done in the past. Years ago I would have wanted everything to be perfect and probably would have went out and spent a lot of money on another tree to make sure that it looked just right. But I'm going with the flow. I'm not stressing, I'm going with the flow, and it feels really good.

Speaker 1:

Another thing that I am doing, as it relates to the holiday dinner that I am hosting at my home, is establishing boundaries. Boundaries are very important and it's important that you communicate your boundaries to the people who needs to know. With this in mind, I expressed to a family member that I did not want any excessive drinking, or actually drunkenness as a part of this holiday meal, because I've seen alcohol cause problems at family functions that I've been a part of in the past, and my home is a drama-free home and I don't do that. So if you can come and not overindulge and cause problems, then you're welcome to come. But if that's your idea of a good time and something you feel like you cannot honor in my home, then it's probably better that you not come, and it's as simple as that. It's as simple as that. We get to set the boundaries for our home. We get to set the boundaries for ourselves and what is acceptable and permissible to us, and then we move accordingly.

Speaker 1:

That's difficult for a lot of people. You know, I was talking with a friend of mine several years ago and she had talked about I think it was her son's first birthday party and she had it all planned out and she has family and friends that live in her hometown, which is a few hours away, and she had made it clear that she did not want to have any overnight guests and that she was not planning to cook a meal in the evening after the party. She was going to have the cake and the finger food and all of the things you know for the party, and then she wanted to be able to rest and relax after everyone left. Okay, that sounds reasonable, but there is a thing called a mother-in-law and many of them feel like they can do whatever they want to do in their son's home and it's disrespectful to the wife. But they have an entitlement and that is what happened.

Speaker 1:

The mother-in-law wanted to come and stay and cook a huge meal after the party and then spend the night and do a large breakfast in the morning. Now this young lady had made it perfectly clear to her mother-in-law, as well as her husband and her guests who were coming to the party, that this was what it was going to be. But the mother stayed. She even sent the young lady to the grocery store to get the food to cook for that evening and after the mother-in-law cooked the meal, she had to clean her kitchen from top to bottom, because that's how she leaves her house, that's how she maintains her home, and I was upset for her. I was really upset for her because she felt very disrespected and she clearly didn't get the support of her husband in that particular event situation and she didn't say anything because she said she didn't want to be disrespectful to her mother-in-law and I just thought it was a terrible example of someone overstepping boundaries.

Speaker 1:

Now, I had a mother-in-law for 27 years and she constantly tried to push boundaries and I really had to get the courage to tell her some things and to enforce some things for myself, because she would take over and I've seen that in a lot of cases and I know that many of us were raised to respect our elders and I agree that we should show them a certain level of respect, but I also feel like that elders should have a certain level of respect for the people they're dealing with, because you don't just go to someone's house and do what you want to do and think it's okay, especially if you've been told otherwise. You know, just being a mother-in-law or just being someone older does not really give you that authorization, that authority to come in and do whatever you want to do, right. And so we have to be really clear with our boundaries. And that was a twofold, because her husband knew what her wishes were and he did not honor it. He didn't stand up to his mother and say hey, mom, you know we're not having any overnight guests this weekend. You know we'll be glad to have you come back on such and such weekend and we can hang out. We won't have the, you know, have the stress of dealing with the birthday party and you know a house full of kids and a house full of people. You know we're going to just want to chill when it's all over. We'll be glad to have you come back and stay when we have time to focus on you. But he didn't do that. And so not only was her boundary violated by her husband, but it was violated by the mother-in-law. So you really have to be able to communicate your boundaries clearly and have those things clear with, especially, your spouse. If you're living with someone or it's married to someone, you've got to get on the same page with these types of things or else it's going to be constant conflict, constant conflict. So set boundaries, make sure that your partner and your children are aware of what your boundaries are and that they are on board.

Speaker 1:

So another thing that I'm doing this year during this holiday season is I'm prioritizing my self-care, and for me, that really just means not being stressed out, trying not to do too much and putting myself first. You know, getting proper rest, watching some Christmas movies. You know having some downtime. As I, you know, I've had a very busy year. I've had a lot of transition in my life this year and, as the year is coming to an end, I'm preparing in my company for a fantastic 2024. And so I really want to just be restful and thankful for all that I've had this year, all that I've been through and the things that the Lord has done for me and for my family, and so I really just want to keep myself in the forefront and make sure I'm not overdoing it during this holiday season. I think that's very, very important to keep in mind. I have to say that you know, I think the best form of self-love is self-care, and so make sure that you are taking care of yourself during these busy times, cause it's really easy to get overwhelmed, to get involved in too many things and to just stress yourself out because there's so much that you want to do or trying to get done during this time. So make sure you are prioritizing self-care and that you are indeed taking care of yourself. Those are some of the things that I am doing and focusing on this holiday season to maintain my healing. That I've done as far as setting boundaries and reasonable expectations and prioritizing self-care for me, and here's a few other things that you can take into consideration that may help you to maintain your healing during this busy holiday season.

Speaker 1:

So, as I was saying earlier about being thankful, you can focus on gratitude. You know you can cultivate a practice of gratitude by writing things down in a journal. Perhaps you want to write down. You know two to three things every day that you're grateful for. You know, and then you can reflect on the positive aspects of your life and the progress that you have actually made on your healing journey. I think that's a fantastic way to stay grounded. You can express yourself creatively. You know how creative are you and what can you do that is creative. As it relates to the holiday season, perhaps you enjoy crafting or writing or art or photography. You know, any kind of self-expression through creativity can make you feel very empowered and grounded as well.

Speaker 1:

Something else that you can consider is volunteering or giving back in some way. You know you can consider giving back to others during this holiday season by volunteering or supporting a charitable cause, and that can provide a sense of purpose and connection. I'm sure there are a variety of things available in your area that you could get involved in. Something else that you can consider during this holiday season is to celebrate in a non-traditional way. So, whatever you have been doing on a regular basis every year, perhaps you want to do something different. Perhaps you want to step outside of your comfort zone and challenge the traditional notions of celebration. You know you might choose to spend the holidays in a way that feels more aligned with your preferences, whether it's a solo retreat or intimate gathering with close friends. Whatever is not the norm for you, try that. Try something different than what you normally participate in during the holiday season, and with that, you can create your own personal traditions. You know you can establish new personal traditions that you do for yourself, that aligns with your values and that brings you joy. And this could be anything you know from a quiet evening with a favorite movie or a meaningful ritual like lighting candles. Perhaps you want to stow away in a cabin in the mountains, where it's snow all around, or whatever it is that you want to do that's nourishing to your soul. Consider that as an option as well.

Speaker 1:

We don't have to stay stuck in the same routines. We don't have to do the same thing year after year. We can choose to make changes and do things differently, things that align with us as we change and as we learn and as we heal. We may not want to do things the way that they've always been done. So take these tips into consideration, and perhaps you want to incorporate one or two of them during this holiday season.

Speaker 1:

You still have time, and these are things, too, that you don't necessarily have to do just during the holiday seasons. You can do these things anytime. You can volunteer anytime you can change up. You know how you normally do things. Anytime. You can practice gratitude anytime and establish boundaries and self-care. You know all of these things are things that can be done anytime of the year, but specifically now, during the busy holiday season, it's good to take a little time and think about what you're doing and, if it's something that you really want to do, know that you can make a difference in your life, because you get to choose. You get to choose.

Speaker 1:

So I hope this was helpful and I want to wish everyone who is listening to me over the airwaves a very Merry Christmas. If you celebrate Happy Hanukkah if that's what you celebrate I wish you much love and light during this holiday season, as we bring 2023 to an end and we are looking forward to 2024. So take care, be blessed and until next time. Thank you for joining me on this episode of Broken to Blessed. Subscribe to the podcast and share it with all of your sister girlfriends. This podcast may be the catalyst to their healing journey. And remember life can get better. You just have to do the work. God bless.

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Michelle Hall

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