Broken to Blessed

From Fixed to Growth Mindset in Healing and Self-Love

January 04, 2024 • Michelle Hall • Season 2 • Episode 23

Share episode

Have you ever felt shackled by the belief that your abilities are set in stone? I'm Michelle Hall, and in my latest podcast episode, I share how shifting from a fixed to a growth mindset revolutionized my healing from childhood sexual abuse. Throughout our conversation, we delve into the transformative power of embracing change and the importance of perseverance in overcoming life's toughest challenges. As a certified life coach, I've seen firsthand the remarkable journey of transformation that begins with the simple belief that we can improve ourselves through effort and dedication.

Exciting news for those on a path to personal evolution - I'm delighted to announce my new transformational program focused on cultivating self-love. This episode gives you a sneak peek into what's in store, emphasizing how a growth mindset lays the groundwork for true change. As we conclude, I invite you to join the waitlist for this life-changing program and remind you to share the wisdom found in our stories by subscribing to Broken to Blessed. Together, let's acknowledge our potential for growth and remember that with hard work, we can turn the trials we face into stepping stones for a blessed life.

Waitlist

Survivor's Declaration

The EsteemedShop Inspirational and Faith-based t-shirts and other merchandise

#WearBlueDay2024
#SAAM2024

https://livetheesteemedlife.com/

My Facebook Page

IG https://www.instagram.com/livetheesteemedlife/

Facebook Group The Esteemed Ones

Michelle@livetheesteemedlife.com

Journey to Freedom Questionnaire

Speaker 1:

Hello, esteemed ones, do you know the difference between a growth mindset and a fixed mindset and how each affects your healing journey? Well, you can probably figure that out just by what they're called, but we're going to talk about that on today's episode, and, if you need to shift from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset, we're going to talk about how you can do that as well. I am Michelle Hall, the host of Broken to Blast, a podcast designed specifically for women survivors of childhood sexual abuse, but the goal is to empower, encourage and inspire women survivors who are on their healing journey to keep pushing forward. I'm also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and a certified life coach. I know that healing is possible because I've done it, and I'm here to help you do the same. Let's get started. Happy New Year. It has been an awesome 2023 for me and I hope it was good for you as well.

Speaker 1:

As we embark on the New Year, oftentimes on the forefront of people's minds are setting goals and making resolutions and thinking about what they want to do or change in their lives for the upcoming year. I talked last week about reflection reflecting on the progress that you've made in your healing journey in 2023 and what you can do to start 2024. To continue with that theme of growth and progress along your healing journey, I want to talk today about mindset. Specifically, I want to talk about the difference between a growth mindset and a fixed mindset, because based on which one you have related to your healing journey determines the amount of growth and healing you're going to get. Let's start with what fixed mindset means. Someone who has a fixed mindset is in the belief that their abilities are fixed and unchanging. A fixed mindset assumes that there is no possibility for growth or change. Now some examples of a fixed mindset would sound like I need to stick with what I know, or who I am is fixed and unchanging, or this is unfixable, or I have no access to resources, opportunities or possibilities. Now that sounds pretty grim in the overall scheme of things. If there is no possibility for growth or change, then there is no growth and change, right? Let's look at the growth mindset as opposed to a fixed mindset. A growth mindset means that abilities and skills can be developed through practice and application. It's all about being able to learn and progress and make change from what your current situation is. Some examples of a growth mindset are I can use failures as opportunities to catalyze future success, or I can learn from my challenges, or I like to try new things and learn, or my self-worth is secure and I am comfortable with failing, and failing is not a reflection of my abilities or an indication of who I am as a person. So which one of these sounds more reasonable to produce change and especially healing? Of course it would be the growth mindset.

Speaker 1:

You know, oftentimes when a child experiences trauma, they go and they go into a fixed mindset. Their stress response, you know, the fight, flight or freeze tends to be on. It tends to be on all the time because they're afraid. They're afraid for their safety and they want to protect themselves and that's understandable, especially from a child who has experienced CSA right. And so they make it fixated on protecting themselves because of fear, feelings of abandonment and rejection, pain and whatever else they're feeling. Protecting themselves then supersedes them, wanting to step out and try something different. They hold on tight to what they know and to what they have to protect themselves and to feel safe. And if that is not addressed as a child, if a child never gets any support or help from, say, a counselor, a teacher or their parents, then they tend to stay in that fixed mindset and that means healing related growth doesn't happen.

Speaker 1:

We can see that for change to take place and healing to begin, a growth mindset is more conducive to have. Think about it this way it boils down to having to do something different to get change. If you're stuck in a mindset, in a fixed mindset, to where you think change is not possible, nothing is going to change. You're not going to put forth effort to make change because you're fixated on the fact that change can't happen for you. Now, when you begin to experience life as an adult, you may begin to see things differently. As you're out and about in the world, you're talking to other people and experiencing life, you're reading books or listening to podcasts like this one, you may become aware that, hey, I can make a change. This is possible. I don't have to say this way, I don't have to accept this thing the way that it is. Let me figure out what I can do to change my situation. Some people can come into that growth mindset on their own, but others may have held it so tightly that it is the belief that they just have and they never seek to make change. If you're wanting to heal, heal the hurt, get rid of the fear, deal with the abandonment issues, deal with the adverse relationships that you're in. And if you want to improve your self-esteem and your self-worth, then you've got to have a growth mindset so you can start making the changes that you need to make. Did you know that it's possible to have a fixed mindset in one area of life and a growth mindset in other areas of life? Let me share my experience with this.

Speaker 1:

After I experienced CSA around the age of 10, I realized that when I got into middle school I was looking for some level of control, something that I could control in my life, because I didn't have control over the CSA. So I threw myself into my books. I discovered that I was smart and I made good grades, and so I leaned into that because it was comfortable and easy. It was something that I could control. I did that throughout middle school and high school and it led me to the National Honor Society. I was comfortable there and I could challenge myself with the more advanced courses, and when I excelled at them it made me feel good. That was growth. But when it came to stepping outside of my comfort zone, I did not want to do that. I wanted to stay in my comfort zone. I didn't want to tell anyone about the CSA, because that was uncomfortable and hard. I also didn't want to fail at anything. I felt like I had a lot of failures in my life as a kid and I didn't want to experience that again. So I was fixed on staying in my comfort zone where I had control, and that kept me stuck for 30 plus years. I don't want that for you.

Speaker 1:

So let's talk about five things that could help you shift out of a fixed mindset into a growth mindset. These things are in no particular order and you can work on any of them anytime. The first thing is we can acknowledge and embrace the imperfections in ourselves and in our lives. Oftentimes we strive for perfection. We want everything to look a certain way, to be a certain way. We don't want to mess up. We don't want to make any mistakes because we don't want any negative feedback. We don't want people to know that we are flawed and have problems, but we're still trying to be safe and we're still trying to protect ourselves. We want everything to look exactly like we want it to look, but perfection should not be the goal. It's not possible in most cases and it is exhausting. And so it's helpful to you and to me to acknowledge the imperfection, and with that comes self-love, or shall I say, with self-love comes the acknowledgement of imperfection. So cultivate self-love and what you think and feel about yourself, because the truth of the matter is we are not perfect, nor is our life perfect, and if we can acknowledge that and embrace that, that will open us up for growth.

Speaker 1:

Another thing that we can do is to face your challenges. We all have challenges, and you can face your challenges head on, because they're not going to go away. So it's a good thing to face your challenges and to do so bravely and head on, and that can be something as simple as reframing the situation in your mind. Let me just say this the mind is so very powerful. The mind is a battlefield, and a change in your thought process or your mindset could help you navigate your challenges. As a matter of fact, instead of considering something as a challenge or something hard, think of it as an opportunity, an opportunity to do something new and to do something different, because every challenge is an opportunity and it invites us into a new experience.

Speaker 1:

Another thing that can help you cultivate a growth mindset is to pay close attention to your words and your thoughts. As I said before, the mind is the battlefield. Our minds have so much power. There's so much power in what we think and what we tell ourselves. Pay attention to what you speak, because Scripture says life and death is in the tongue and what you think affects you deeply, probably more deeply than you realize. What you think about is what gets focused on, and if you're thinking negatively about things, you're likely going to have negative outcomes. If you're speaking positivity into yourself and your life and into your situation, you will likely get fooled towards a more positive outcome. This also relates back to self-love that I was talking about earlier. We are often our own worst enemy and we think negatively and dark thoughts about ourselves. If we can just shift out of that negative mindset and thought process and think more positively and constructively about the things that we're dealing with, you're more likely to make changes for the better.

Speaker 1:

Another thing that you can do is stop seeking approval of others. Let me say that again for the people in the back Stop seeking approval of other people. When a child is victimized, they often feel unprotected, they feel abandoned and they just want to be approved. They want to be loved. They want to be seen and heard. Unfortunately, a lot of children of abuse does not get that and they carry that over into adulthood and you become an adult that is seeking approval of others. I experienced that a lot in my life as I was coming into adulthood. For not having a father and for being sexually abused at a young age, I was seeking acceptance. I was seeking love that I didn't get as a child from my father and from the unworthiness that I felt about myself as a victim of CSA.

Speaker 1:

One of the things that could be beneficial and helpful is to cultivate self-acceptance and self-approval. You have to learn to trust yourself, you get to define who you are and you get to determine your worth. The last thing that you could do is to step into your authenticity. I'm going to keep this short and just say stop pretending to be someone else, stop pretending to be something that you are not. In other words, take off the mask. Take off the mask and embrace who you are at your core. All of these things are somewhat related or intertwined and the overall thing is learning to love yourself. If you can cultivate self-love, a lot of these things will come organically as a result. Genuine self-love dictates how you live and what is acceptable. Be yourself aware and figure out who you are. Figure out what you're passionate about, what your purpose is and what you want or need to change about your life.

Speaker 1:

It is at this time that change and healing can begin. I hope at least one of these resonates with you. If you are experiencing any of these things, such as seeking the approval of others, if you're having dark and negative thoughts and speaking negatively towards yourself, the suggestions above that I spoke to prior can help. If you have discovered that you have a fixed mindset regarding your healing and need some help developing a growth mindset. You are not alone. Making such a shift can be difficult and I could possibly help.

Speaker 1:

I will be launching my new transformational program later this month. This program is based on my healing journey and is focused around cultivating self-love. This program includes work on developing and maximizing a growth mindset, because in order to change, you have to change. If you're interested in learning more about the program, click the link in the show notes and sign up for the wait list. I will be sending information very soon to everyone on the list when the program slots become available. So that is it for this week's episode. I hope you found it helpful and until next time, thank you for joining me on this episode of Broken to Blessed. Subscribe to the podcast and share it with all of your sister girlfriends. This podcast may be the catalyst to their healing journey. And remember life can get better. You just have to do the work. God bless.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Michelle Hall

Host