Broken to Blessed
Welcome to Broken to Blessed, the podcast dedicated to empowering women survivors of childhood sexual abuse on their journey from brokenness to healing and transformation. I'm your host, Michelle Hall, a certified Christian Life Coach and a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. Join us as we explore powerful insights, personal stories, and practical tools to support survivors on their path to reclaiming their lives and discovering their inherent strength.
Broken to Blessed
Unveiling the Financial Shadow of Childhood Trauma
The journey from a past tinged with trauma to adulthood riddled with complex financial behaviors is one I've walked, and in sharing my story, it becomes a map for others navigating similar financial and emotional hurdles. This episode peels back layers of financial insecurity that often cloak survivors of childhood trauma, dissecting the ways in which these early experiences can distort our relationship with money, leading to a cycle of anxiety, overindulgence, or debt in a quest for self-worth.
Michelle provides 7 powerful self coaching questions for you to ask yourself to determine if your childhood trauma is affecting how you deal with money today. You can download a copy of the questions at the link below.
The healing process, while intricate, is not a path walked alone. I extend an open invitation to join The Esteemed Ones, a community on Facebook where the conversation continues, providing support, empowerment, and the resources necessary to forge a new financial identity. We all have battles to face, but when it comes to intertwining financial peace with personal healing, there's a wealth of insight to be discovered. So, if you're ready to transform financial vigilance into financial wellness, this episode promises to be an invaluable step on your journey toward a sense of financial safety and true self-empowerment.
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Hello, esteemed ones, did you know that having experienced any kind of adverse childhood experience, including childhood sexual abuse, could seriously affect how you handle your finances as an adult? Well, it certainly can, and that's what we're going to talk about today. I am Michelle Hall, a Christian-like coach and the host of Broken to Bless, a podcast designed specifically for women survivors of childhood sexual abuse, where the goal is to empower, encourage and inspire women survivors who are on their healing journey to keep on going. Healing is possible. I know that to be true because I am also a survivor and I've done it, and I'm here to help you do the same. Let's get started.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about your relationship with money and whether it has anything to do with your childhood trauma. First, let's talk about what an adverse childhood experience, or ACE, is. It could be child abuse, including CSA, neglect, living in poverty, unstable living conditions, witnessing domestic abuse, not having enough to eat as a child, and on and on. This is a topic that is very near and dear to my heart because, well, it affected me significantly as a child and as an adult. I'll share some of that in just a bit, but we all know that any kind of experiences like this can have a real and lasting effect on a child. Often, the focus of adverse childhood experiences focus on mental and emotional effects, but financial effects are very prevalent, particularly as an adult. Unrippled effects of ACE are insecurity, lack of control, powerlessness and fear. Think about this If you grew up and you didn't have enough to eat on a regular basis, how might that affect you as an adult and financially? Perhaps you overspend to ensure you always have enough to eat in your home. Or if you never got the chance to go to restaurants as a child, you may want to eat out all the time to get that experience and satisfaction that you never had, even at restaurants that you can't afford. Think about this If you grew up having low self-worth and esteem as a result of your childhood trauma, perhaps you make purchases of expensive name-brand clothes and handbags, luxury cars or big houses Things that make you feel worthy and valuable within yourself and, you think, in the eyes of others. But you may not be able to afford these things with your income. So you go into unnecessary debt to feel good about yourself and what you have Now. These are just a few examples that are very possible, very likely to occur, but the financial effects can manifest in many ways.
Speaker 1:You know, childhood experiences shapes so much of your life, whether it's good or bad, and I think a lot of people don't pay very close attention to that. We get a lot of our behaviors, at least early in life, from what we experience growing up, and that includes finances. The great thing about it is that you have the power to change your relationship with your finances once you become an adult. It will likely require some healing work from the trauma you experienced, because that is the root cause, but it can be done. So look, I geek out a little bit when I talk about finances, because my professional background is in accounting and personal finances have always been a big interest of mine.
Speaker 1:I wanted to steward my money well from an early age, probably something that was instilled in me by my mom when I was a kid, when she would take me with her downtown to pay on her local accounts. I remember going downtown with her walking sometimes in the summer in the hot downtown from store to store as she paid each lender timely, and it later turned into me paying these vendors for her. When I got a little older, my mom was poor and she didn't have much, but she was consistent and diligent when it came to paying her bills on time, and she is still just as consistent and diligent today, in her 80s, as she was 50 years ago when I was a kid. Now, while she was adamant and a stickler about paying her bills, I learned early on that there was no extra money and not to ask for anything that was not a necessity. Our basic needs were met, but that was pretty much it. I was significantly affected by that and now, after doing a bit of research and study on it, I have a better understanding of why I did some of the things that I did as a young adult.
Speaker 1:I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and I lived in the adverse childhood experience of poverty and struggle. Now, I didn't consider it traumatic to be in a poor household. It was just the way that we lived. But what I can remember very profoundly is that I didn't want to live that way when I became an adult. I didn't want the scarcity lifestyle. I didn't want to be on the financial struggle bus. I wanted to have an abundance of money, not rich, just enough to take care of what I wanted to take care of. I wanted to have funds available to not only cover my bills, but to have money available for saving and investing. I wanted to be able to plan for retirement and have a little bit left over to enjoy life, such as taking trips with my family and just having a bit of fun.
Speaker 1:I discovered that what I really wanted was safety and security, and I also wanted control. I wanted to be responsible for my own financial well-being and not dependent on other people or the government agencies. So I became hyper-vigilant when I began to earn money of my own. I kept track of my funds very closely. I had a checking account that I reconciled each month and I made sure that I didn't overspend or over extend myself.
Speaker 1:I didn't realize that I had what I consider financial anxiety, if that's a term, until I got married and combined my money with my husband. We were a two-income household and we had our main bank account where both of our paychecks went, and I didn't realize until then that I had financial anxiety because I did not have control of the spending from our joint account. We didn't always communicate about withdrawals, so the check register was not accurate and when I would get the bank statement and see all the withdrawals on the account. It would drive me nuts Back in the early 90s. You know, we didn't have the banking apps or even online banking yet, so it was a bit more difficult to stay on top of the account balance. It gave me a lot of anxiety and I asked a lot of questions because I wanted to be a good steward of our finances, but that just aggravated him. I wanted to set a budget so that we wouldn't have to have these uncomfortable conversations, but it didn't go that way and I spent many years trying to gain a level of control of the money that we had so that we would be in a good financial position. He had a different perspective about money than I did. He grew up with a different financial scenario, so we didn't think the same about money.
Speaker 1:Needless to say, there was a lot of intense fellowship regarding our finances and our household during the early years of our marriage. It kind of eased off when we both began to earn more money, but I didn't really change the way that I wanted to steward our money. I just felt a little more secure in the fact that we had more cash flow coming in. Something else that helped me was that I began to invest from my own paycheck, I began to contribute to my 401k you know the maximum that I could afford to do, especially when I had a company match and that helped me feel more secure because I knew funds were available in the case of a dire emergency. Now, before y'all come for me, let me just say that I realized that a 401k is not the proper account for an emergency fund, but I was doing the best that I could at the time to accumulate some money in the event that it was needed. It satisfied my need for control because it came from my pay.
Speaker 1:So if you never thought about your finances and how it relates, or could relate, to your childhood trauma, I'm going to challenge you today to do that. I have seven self-coaching questions for you to take some time, to sit quietly and answer for yourself. It's an exercise for you to do some self-exploration and discovery. So be honest with yourself. Oh, and don't worry about writing these down, because I have a free download for you with all the questions on it. Click the link in the show notes to download your own copy of the questions. Here they are.
Speaker 1:Number one Are there specific fears or anxieties you associate with financial stability, and can you trace them back to your childhood? Number two what role did communication about money play in your family, and how does that impact your communication with others about finances now? 3. Do you feel comfortable discussing money matters with others, or does the topic bring up feelings of shame or inadequacy? 4. Do you find it challenging to set and achieve financial goals, and do you see any links between this struggle and your childhood experiences? 5. Have you noticed any patterns of impulsive spending or shopping habits, and do these behaviors serve as a coping mechanism for you? 6. Have you experienced feelings of guilt or shame surrounding your spending habits, and do you believe these emotions are connected to your childhood experiences? 7. Have you ever used financial behaviors such as overspending to gain a sense of control in your life, especially if you felt powerless during your childhood? 8. Take some time to answer these questions and get real with yourself.
Speaker 1:If you want to have more discussion about this topic, check out my Facebook group, the Esteemed Ones, where I will be posting about this. Over there, you can click the link in the show notes to join the Facebook group. Until next time. Thank you for joining me on this episode of Broken to Bless. Subscribe to the podcast and share it with all of your sister girlfriends. This podcast may be the catalyst to their healing journey. And remember life can get better. You just have to do the work. God bless.
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