Survivor or Victim: Embracing Identity and Power in the Healing Journey

Navigating the path of healing after sexual abuse, many struggle with the label that defines their experience: are we "survivors" or "victims"? This episode grapples with the weight these words carry, as I, Michelle Hall, Christian Life Coach and host of Broken to Blessed, open up about my personal journey and the reasons behind my choice to embrace the term "survivor." Through this exploration, we uncover the profound impact language has on our recovery narrative and consider the perspectives of others who share this painful chapter in their lives.

We also shine a light on the upcoming Survivors Ball, a space of honor and celebration for the bravery and enduring spirit of women who have risen above their circumstances. As we dissect the implications of the words we use to describe ourselves, we're not just engaging in a theoretical debate—we're actively participating in the shaping of our identities and the reclaiming of power over our stories. Tune in for an honest discussion on this nuanced aspect of the healing process, and discover how these labels reflect our ongoing challenges and triumphs.

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Journey to Freedom Questionnaire

Transcript

Michelle Hall: 0:00

I have a serious question for those who have experienced sexual abuse how do you feel about being referred to as a survivor versus a victim? Do you have a preference in what you are referred to or does it matter? I read an interesting article recently where many of those who have experienced sexual abuse did not understand why some people call them survivors and not victims. I'm going to talk about it on the inside. I'm Michelle Hall, Christian Life Coach and the host of Broken to Blessed, a podcast designed for women survivors of childhood sexual abuse survivors of childhood sexual abuse where the goal is to empower, encourage and inspire women survivors who are on their healing journey to keep on going. Healing is possible. I know that to be true because I am a survivor and I have done it, and I'm here to help you do the same, the same. Hello, Esteemed nes, and welcome to this episode of Broken to Blessed.

Michelle Hall: 1:13

It is April and it is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and I talked about that extensively in my last episode, and I want to continue to honor this very important Awareness Month by talking today about the use of the word survivor versus victim. I read an article recently where a woman who had experienced sexual abuse was questioning why so many people use the word survivor, as in sexual abuse, survivor as opposed to sexual abuse victim. I think this is something that is worth discussing because, as you just heard me say in the introduction, I use the word survivor. I consider myself a survivor and I'll talk a little bit more later about why I use that word over victim in this podcast and in my work, but I want to go back, because one of the things that was highlighted in the article was a comparison to cancer patients. When someone has cancer and they go through treatment and their cancer goes away or goes into remission, they are considered a cancer survivor because they survived the cancer. The cancer did not end their life. Being that, sexual abuse is different from cancer, the question posed in the article is why is the word survivor used for those who experience sexual abuse? Because it's not the same thing. It's not the same from the perspective that sexual abuse cannot take your life in the way that cancer can. Cancer is, of course, a disease in the body.

Michelle Hall: 3:11

I thought about that because, clearly, when one experiences sexual abuse or sexual assault, you are indeed a victim. A victim is defined as one that is injured, destroyed or sacrificed under any of various conditions. So, of course, anyone who has experienced sexual abuse or sexual trauma has been injured. They may feel sacrificed and some may feel destroyed. So victim is an appropriate word to use for someone who has experienced sexual abuse or sexual trauma.

Michelle Hall: 3:50

Survivor, on the other hand, is defined as one who continues to exist or live after, or to continue to function or prosper despite of this is why I use the term survivor, because we continue to exist and to live on after the assault and the abuse and the trauma. Also, the word survivor has more power associated with it than victim. Even though victim is a true word, a true depiction of the experience. It is an indication that there was something, that it was something that happened to you. Survivor, on the other hand, depicts what you do after the fact. We live on despite the trauma.

Michelle Hall: 4:38

I know that's the perspective that I take, but I do realize that sexual abuse affect people in different ways and in different capacities. Some men and women who have experienced this are continually affected on a daily basis in a significant way. They may have nightmares, night terrors, flashbacks as a result of the experience, and so on. They could suffer depression, anxiety, ptsd, or they could have gotten involved in drugs and become addicts or alcoholics. They could have gotten into a life of prostitution or promiscuity any number of things that affects them long-term after the abuse occurred. Hey, I want to remind you about the upcoming Survivors Ball on April 27, 2024. This is a virtual event so you can attend from anywhere. This ball was created specifically for women survivors of sexual abuse. April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and what better time to hold this event in recognition of the women who have been through this exact thing. It is to recognize the struggle that comes with being sexually abused and to celebrate the resilience, courage and strength that each survivor has within to overcome and heal. It's an event like none other, and I want to see your faith in the place. For more information, click the link to the registration page in the show notes.

Michelle Hall: 6:32

I can understand why some women who have experienced sexual abuse would not necessarily want to be called a survivor, because perhaps there's pressure that it puts on them to do something or to have done something to earn this title or this word of survivor. To earn this title or this word of survivor, you know, such as just because I'm still living doesn't mean that I have survived this because I'm still adversely affected every day of my life. So I get that concept, I understand, but I don't personally necessarily think that's true. I think if you continue to live, you made it through. That is enough to be considered a survivor. You survived a horrific thing. I think about survivor as in surviving a car accident or surviving an earthquake or a tornado you know things that could cause significant damage or death, and that's similar also to the reference of cancer survivors.

Michelle Hall: 7:43

I consider sexual abuse victims as survivors and that's why I use the word on the podcast, because it is something that you have done. You survived something that happened to you which made you a victim, but then you survived because you are still here, you are still standing, and many have done internal work to help deal with the effects of the abuse that the abuse had on you, and perhaps some of you have not. Either way, I consider you a survivor because you experienced something terrible that was not your fault, not of your own doing, and however you choose to handle it whether you told someone and sought help or not you survived that experience. So I want to say personally that I mean no offense or no harm when I say survivor, because that's honestly what I feel like you are. But I also understand if you feel like that word does not pertain to you, because you are still affected and still dealing with the aftermath of the sexual abuse. However you feel, it's OK. This is your experience and you have the right to feel however you are feeling. Know that I support you wherever you are in your journey. Know that I support you wherever you are in your journey and if you need help along your journey, perhaps my program Journey to Freedom could benefit you.

Michelle Hall: 9:21

The link to the questionnaire is in the show notes. So that's it for this week. Let me know what you think about the term of survivor versus victim when referring to someone who has experienced sexual abuse. Drop me an email at Michelle at LiveTheEsteemedLifecom. Until next time. Thank you for joining me on this episode of Broken to Blessed. Subscribe to the podcast and share it with all of your sister girlfriends. This podcast may be the catalyst to their healing journey. And remember life can get better. You just have to do the work. God bless.